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Friday, December 20, 2013

Left out

So, I went on MSNBC today. I had a whole plan for an angry rant which didn't happen, unfortunately. But I did do something that I was proud of. Probably no one even noticed, but it was a big deal to me.

I was getting dressed, and obsessing about which colors you are and are not supposed to wear on tv (side note: the advice is to avoid white, black, and neutrals...uhh, that's my whole wardrobe). I hadn't yet put in my prosthetic, and when I looked down at my chest, I reminded myself to put it in. Would that be funny, I thought, if I forgot to wear it today of all days?

Then I thought again. What would happen? Nothing. I wouldn't have to explain anything to anyone. I as there in my capacity as cancer girl, so isn't it expected that part of me would be, um, abbreviated?

And then I thought about why I wear it in the first place. Is it to make others comfortable? To prevent unwanted questions? To blend in?

In Audre Lorde's The Cancer Journals, she brings up a powerful image. One of angry, single breasted women converging on some government office, demanding justice. Being single breasted is not "nice," and that was her point.

So I left it out. I brought it in my purse in case I panicked, but I didn't. Truthfully, I don't know if anyone even noticed.


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