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Sunday, November 17, 2013

Going...going...


Losing eyelashes again, for the third time since chemo. The first time was about a month after, during radiation, when I actually got down to about one or to lashes. Second time was a thinning sometime in the late spring. Now, I'm almost a year PFC (that's Post Fucking Chemo for the uninitiated) and they're falling like snowflakes.

It's the tiny things that make us feel human, or inhuman. Like, during chemo everything tastes bad. Water tasted like pennies. WATER. The thing with no taste. It was infuriating to me. The big things, the headscarf, the trips to the infusion center, those I came to accept. The little things are what fuck with my psyche, and are what can push me over the edge. The big things get you near the precipice, the little breezes make you lose your balance.

So I don't wish on these lashes and blow them away, for that little stirring might be just too much.

6 comments:

  1. LOVE THIS!!!! I quoted you and shared on my blog, because you put it into words way better than I could.

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    1. also I did not know about they eyelashes falling more than once. mine haven't even come back in yet, I'm 7 weeks post-chemo

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    2. Thank you for sharing!! Can you send me a link to your blog, if you feel comfortable?

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  2. I feel your pain!! I finished chemo in January and when I still had no lashes and almost no brows in May, I started on latisse. I started to grow a few lashes finally in July, 6 months after chemo. The latisse really helped the growth of the lashes and brows, but my eyebrows are falling out on a regular cycle, and the lashes all fell out once this fall too. It is maddening - and I agree, the devil is in these details.

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    1. Glad the Latisse is helping! Hopefully the falling out schedule starts to wind down soon.

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  3. I know what you mean. I went through surgery and reconstruction, even the diagnosis itself was a breeze. The thing that got to me was the markings with the sharpies every week or so. I hated being marked. They were ugly and messy, they got all over my clothes and my bras. I never felt clean. I hated that. Now that it's over I'm glad. I also wanted to tell you that Vitamin E oil works wonders on the scars. I use it every day. It's called Palmer's Vitamin E Oil and you can get it at Target for about $10.

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