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Saturday, October 6, 2012

Friday, Friday, FRIDAY! It's chemo, chemo, CHEMO

The wackness.

Today was my third chemo session. These guys just keep getting more and more eventful. This time I had down weird pain in my lungs, and my heart was beating like, whatthefuck! whatthefuck! So I was there all day, had a million tests, and possibly it's just anxiety. Hrrmph. It's a little embarrassing.

Embarrassing because I think my anxiety in this moment is caused by the fact that my hair started falling out last night. It's not in big clumps, and you couldn't tell it by looking at me, but it has started. Going for a buzz cut tomorrow. Hoping to rock a GI Jane look for at least a week before the chrome-domia fully sets in.

I feel stupid being so upset and afraid about my hair. Until now, no one has been able to tell I'm sick if I didn't tell them (with a couple exceptions right after surgery, when I looked like a Gashlycrumb Tiny).
Also me.

It's not even so much about having no hair. Being bald means that now everyone will know something is wrong with me. It means I'm officially a sick person. My friend Ben Kingsley said it best:

I bid thee goodnight.

Number of needle pokes: 3
Number of hours spent: 5.5
Number of hairs lost: Unknown

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